I love my mom

"Take My Hand" by Greg Olsen

My mom bought me this picture!!! I love it!! I see my Austin walking along, being taken care of by Jesus.

Update on the headstone: They got it right! We'll go in next week to sign the contract and work on it will start. So in about two months it should be in the ground. I'm so glad that production will begin soon.

Baby Book

When I was pregnant with Austin I bought a baby book for him, as I have one for all my kids. But when he died, I didn't want to use the book. I wouldn't ever be able to fill in most of the pages and that would make it hard to look at. I asked my friend Cindy if she would take the book and, using it as an example, copy the pages that would only pertain to Austin. She handed it over to Nicole Z. who is the queen of scrapbooking. This book she made looks almost exactly like the book I bought. It is better than I imagined it would be and I have a baby book for my beautiful son that I will be able to fill in all pages of it! Thank you, Cindy and Nicole!!!! It is beautiful!!

Cute thing

We have company coming for Thanksgiving. My brother and his wife are going to sleep in the girls room. So while they were both at school today I took the liberty of cleaning their room and getting rid of a lot of "treasures." Dakotah came home from school and was so happy with how nice her room looked.

When Dakotah finished eating lunch I asked her to start cleaning up Austin's room (we still call it that because that's what it was supposed to be) and I would help her when I finished eating. She went in and started. A few minutes later she came out and said she was done, she did it all herself and I needed to come look. I looked and she had cleaned the whole room herself and did quite a nice job.

I said," Thank you, Dakotah! I'm so happy that you cleaned it up all by yourself!"

She said," I'm so happy that you cleaned up my room, Mommy."

Melt my heart!! What a sweetheart!

Dakotah's Talent

I didn't know Dakotah could do this:

Pics From The Benefit Dinner

Helpers in the kitchen

Our table. I don't look too bad!

Kim who made it all possible is on the left. Thank you, Kim!

The entertainment for Friday.

The delicious food.

Clay had been up since 2:00 am driving for Fedex. It shows a little.

Frustration

Oh My Goodness!!!! How hard is it to get a stupid headstone done? We have most of the design done, we just wanted to change a couple things. It's really hard to get your idea across when you're dealing with an 80 year old man who's deaf!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For Our Benefit

On Friday and Saturday evenings we had the opportunity of eating at the finest diner. We had friendly servers, delicious food, relaxing entertainment, and pleasant company. Oh yeah, and everyone that ate there those evenings were there to support my family. And support us they did!!

To those who don't know what I'm talking about, our friends put together a benefit dinner to raise money for Austin's headstone. It was very well planned, every detail thought of. There were even mints! It was at a beautiful, big house with a wonderful cook preparing everything and donating the food as her contribution. All my friends were guests one night and helpers the other night. There was live entertainment both nights. I didn't know some people that came on Saturday. They contributed money to a perfect stranger. I can't describe the feeling that I had when I would look around the room and know that everyone was there for the specific purpose of supporting our family. It is very humbling and mind-boggling. They raised enough money for us to be able to purchase Austin's headstone and the grave marker that is at his grave now. It is such a relief to be able to go forward with that and not have to worry about the money. We have an appt at the cemetary tomorrow (Tues) so hopefully we can finish it and be satisfied with it. I want it to be just perfect.

They also raised enough money for us to get a couple keepsakes of Austin. Before they buried him, they took a print of his hand. They can shrink it and engrave it into a necklace. They call it Thumbies. I will be able to get the necklace and Clay wants a ring that will have Austin's handprint all the way around it. I love it, we will have a part of him with us always. I'm so excited to have the money to do this! I was going to save a little every month from my money I earn teaching piano, but now I don't have to wait a year to have enough money saved. I can have it in two months.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to Kim M!!!! Without you, this may not have happened. Thank you for wanting to help us and planning such a wonderful evening. Thank you to all who helped. There are so many of you who helped!!

When the headstone is put in I want everyone to go see it! I'll let you know when, they said it takes two months from when they get the order to when it's put in the ground.

Some Thoughts I've Had

I've been reading the October Ensign. It's amazing how after having my own personal tragedy, everything suddenly pertains to me. While reading the article "Feeding His Sheep through Visiting Teaching", I was surprised to read about a women who went through my exact experience. Her words could be my words. My pain is the same as hers. I was glad to read that her former visiting teacher was there to help her. I very vividly remember how I felt and was so glad that I had loving people around me during those sad moments. (Sad doesn't even begin to describe it, but I can't think of something better right now!)

Reading that article caused me to think of my own wonderful VT. Catherine P. is the best I've ever had. She made an effort at the beginning to befriend me and gain my trust so when tradegy struck, I already knew that she really did care about me. She has been so kind and thoughtful and is someone that I can be open with. Because she took her job as a VT seriously before, she has been welcomed to share some of my grief now.

Catherine helped me to make this shadow box of reminders of Austin.



The other article that struck with me was called "The Lord Can Ease Our Burdens" by Elder Maury E. Schooff. He said, "Murmuring can … be noisy enough that it drowns out the various spiritual signals to us, signals which tell us in some cases to quit soaking ourselves indulgently in the hot tubs of self-pity! Murmuring over the weight of our crosses not only takes energy otherwise needed to carry them but might cause another to put down his cross altogether.” BOOM!! I was hit with that very hard. That is what I have been doing. I have been soaking in self-pity for so long I'm surprised I haven't drowned. Every moment I just feel sorry for myself. It's hard not to when all around me are people who are having healthy babies. But what is it doing to me? To my family, specifically my girls? To my friends? To my view on life? To my health??

So I have seen the light, so to speak. I know what I need to stop doing. That's one step. Now I just need to figure out how to stop doing it.

We just got back from being in Idaho for a week. It was a very nice break for me. I didn't really do anything. I didn't have to clean or cook. I slept in every day. My mom did everything. She cleaned, cooked, did laundry, cleaned up after the girls messes, and worked every day. Thanks, Mom, for taking good care of us.



Savannah is lovely Belle for Halloween.

Dakotah is a kitten. (The way she acted, I told people she was a cat with rabies.)

This is what Clay did for the whole week which included his birthday. He caught three steelhead fish and gave them away to family because his wife won't let him bring them home.