Article in paper

There was an article in today's paper that has some statistics about stillbirths. Click here if you are interested.

Feelings.........Nothing More Than Feelings

I am finally reading a book I received when Austin died. It's called "Gone Too Soon" by Sherri Devashrayee Wittwer and is about losing a child through stillbirth or miscarriage. I'm glad I waited to read it because I appreciate what it says more now than I think I would have if I had read it sooner. I don't think I could have handled it sooner.



There are some things written that say what I'm feeling better than I could say it myself. I'd like to share a few:



"The 'miracle of birth': it's a phrase that is tossed about lightly, perhaps with an air of frivolity. Expectant parents are told that 'women have babies every day,' that pregnancy is nothing but a 'normal' condition, and that there is 'nothing to worry about.' Yet, somewhere amidst the quiet regularity of pregnancy and birth, there is often an element of risk. That risk can lead to some of the worst pain imaginable--the loss of a child. Indeed, to many women and men whose experiences with this 'miracle' have yielded disappointment and heartache, the birth process is regarded with nothing less than reverence and deep appreciation. And giving birth to a healthy baby is nothing, if not truly miraculous."



"When a woman bonds with and prepares for the child, but returns home from the hospital with empty arms, the result can be devastating. To have that child so close and then to have it abruptly taken away might well be viewed as one of the cruelest occurrences in nature."



"Few people understand that the fact that the parents never have an opportunity to know their child better is the tragedy."



Today is nine months since Austin died. Does time heal all wounds? My heart is still breaking. It still yearns for the boy I was only able to hold for a few hours. Our lives have continued but I always have in my mind the little boy who would be nine months old and who should be enjoying life with us. I often wonder what he would look like. What would his personality be like? I don't know my own son.



I am going to have another boy, but he is not to replace Austin. He is another person. It is such a confusing array of emotions, to be mourning for the loss of one son, while praying and hoping to be given another. I desperately want this baby, but at the same time I desperately want Austin. Some days I think I may implode from the stress of carrying it all.

I LOVE YOU, AUSTIN

I Am.....

....tickled clear down to my toenails!!

This summer Clay and I will celebrate our 10 year anniversary so we decided to buy new living room furniture to mark the occasion.

So out with the old.....





and in with the brand spankin', smells good new!!

The Sweet Sound of Reassurance

Humor is Everything

Just so you all know that we are still a fun loving, love to laugh family, I will share the following story.

A couple years ago when my parents visited my dad read one of my Mary Higgins Clark books. Ever since then Savannah has kept the book and would "read" it. Well now she really can read so she has been reading this Mary Higgins Clark book for real. One day while we were driving, I heard this from the backseat:

"Mom! This book says sexy!"

A minute later:

"Dam-n. Is that right? Yeah, dam-n."

It's against my better judgement, but hearing these things from your six year old is hilarious!!

For those concerned mothers out there, the reading of this book has been postponed until more mature years. She is now reading Henry Huggins and has available to her fifty Babysitter Club books, Ramona Quimby, Charlotte's Web, Pollyanna, and others.

Mission: Impossible??

Your Mission: Help us find a name for our unborn child. Must be approved by a very picky parent (not me).

Should You Choose To Accept: There are two requirements for any name submitted.

Requirement #1: The name MUST be the name of a city to follow our family's theme that we have ended up with. We have Savannah, Georgia, North or South Dakota(h), and Austin, Texas. (Any other possible state names have already been vetoed.)

Requirement #2: The name MUST be a serious, possible suggestion! No silly ideas such as Walla Walla or Kennewick will be tolerated! Any suggestions that you submit must be a name that you would consider naming your own child. (Anyone who suggests Orlando will be cut off for a week.)

This is a dangerous, but necessary mission. Your bravery will be honored. Now get out those maps and start reading!

Will I Make It 10 More Weeks??

This morning I am already emotionally exhausted. I always wake up and feel the baby moving around. Not this morning. I shook my tummy and poked at it and had feelings of dread that I had already done this before!!! I pleaded with Heavenly Father to not take our baby and begged the kid to move. Still I couldn't feel him. So we got the kids ready, took them to school, and Clay and I went to the doctor. We have a standing agreement with Dr M that I can come in anytime if I need to hear a heartbeat.

As soon as the nurse put the doppler on we could hear the heartbeat. I can't even describe the relief! The whole way home I was kicked from within. "I was just sleeping Mommy! Can't a baby get some rest around here?"

So today I have ordered a Doppler to rent (Dr M can't find his) so if this happens again I won't have to panic for two hours. I'm not going to do anything I had planned today. I'm so tired from the stress of this morning. I'm going to sit on my butt and just feel my baby. Although I do wish I had some ice cream.