When we were engaged and first married, we agreed that we would have children at some future time. A year after we were married, I was ready to have a baby, but he wasn't. In fact, he told me that he didn't ever want to have kids because they were whiny and bratty and you couldn't just go do anything that you wanted to. (Having a calling in nursery played a part in putting him in this mindset.) It got to be a real sore spot in our marriage. Every time I brought up the subject he would get angry and we would argue. So I decide not to ever mention it again.
A year went by. Then one Sunday out of the blue Clay asked me if I wanted to have a baby! I asked him what changed his mind. He said, "I was sitting in Sacrament Meeting looking up at the dad on the stand whose son was leaving on a mission and I decided that I didn't want to be that old sending my kid on a mission so I decided we better get cracking."
I made sure he was serious, told him, "Okay, I'm going off birth control and you can't change your mind!"
Ten months later our sweet Savannah was born. Clay decided that we were only having one kid.
When Savannah was 14 months old, I started feeling like it was time to have another baby. I worried about how to discuss this with Clay as our talks about having babies didn't go so well in the past. I tried to push off the feeling, but it persisted. Finally I told Clay that I felt strongly that it was time for another baby and I started to cry. I don't normally cry over little things so I think that helped my case. Clay replied with, "Well, if you feel that strongly about it, then maybe it is time." Whew! That was easy!
Ten months later our beautiful Dakotah was born. Clay decided that we were only having two kids.
(A note here on how quickly I get pregnant: I think it's so Clay won't have a chance to change his mind!)
Having two kids only two years apart was very overwhelming for me. I had all I could handle at this time and having another baby any time soon was not an option for me. So Clay got a reprieve from any baby talk. But when Dakotah was 3 years old I felt that the time had come once more for another baby. Having two children really softened Clay up. All I said was, "How about another baby?" and he said, "Yeah, okay." We decided to hold off for a few months 1) so we would have a van to be able to transport all children and 2) so the baby would be born when my mom didn't work during the summer.
All went according to plan until my 38th week, and as you know, our precious Austin was stillborn. This really hit Clay hard. Losing his son really affected him. He had to take sleeping pills to sleep and he stayed home from work for two weeks. The day we came home from the hospital Clay and I were sitting on the couch together and he said, "I want another baby. When your ready I want to starting trying for another baby." This was a total turnaround from how he was at the beginning of our marriage. Now it was him making the suggestion!
Eleven months later our sweet Colby was born. I decided that we were only having four kids.
I have seen Clay cry 6 times in our 10 1/2 years of marriage and 4 of them were when our children were born. Each time he would get emotional. He is grateful for and loves each of our children. He is the best dad to them and they love him in return.
Clay doesn't like to talk about Austin much in mixed company. I wrote Austin's story and Clay couldn't read past the first page. He said it was just too hard for him. So I was surprised last week when he told me he had to speak in church on Sunday and his talk included Austin. I was more surprised when I read his talk and, not only was most of it about Austin, but Clay had gotten every detail right! I know he was there through it all, but that he remembered it all really impressed me. When he gave his talk he got emotional when speaking about Austin, which he hates to do, but it really impressed upon me how much he loves and misses his son and how much his death has affected him.
So for someone who didn't want kids, he sure is happy to come home every day to cries of "Daddy's home!" and smiles from Colby. How boring life would be without our kiddos.
Last week Clay and I had an interesting conversation.
Him: I think there's another baby for us.
Me: Uh, what? I'm done having kids!
