Happy Birthday to My Sweet Savannah!!

My sweet Savannah is now eight years old!!! Here are a few pictures of her.

The day she was born! I look like that because I am completely drugged.

The cute babe at 3 weeks old

3 months old

Chillin' with her sis uh I mean, dog Cuddles.
What is it with babies and the remote control?

Waiting for daddy to come home.

2 years old,

3 years old,

4, 5 years old,

and before I knew it, she was off to kindergarten!!

Here's a cake I made that actually turned out.

Now she is a great big sister.

What a pretty girl!

We love our Savannah. She is such a joy to have in our family. Love you sweetheart!!

The Winner of the "Worst Mom in the World" Award is....

ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you. I work hard for such acknowledgment. Here's the story:

The last day of swimming lessons for the session is a fun day for the kids to play and go down the slide. At our pool they have two new slides. The one that Dakotah is tall enough to go down is enclosed so it's pretty dark inside. She really wanted to go down it so up the stairs she went. When she got to the top she got scared and wouldn't go down. The lifeguard tried to get her to go down the slide but she wouldn't. She tried to get her to down back down the stairs but she wouldn't do that either. The lifeguard finally carried her down the stairs. I tried to get her to just play in the pool but she really wanted to go down the slide. So back up the stairs she went.

Again at the top she got scared and wouldn't go down!! She really wanted to do it but wouldn't. So here's where the mean mom comes in. I went up the stairs, and with the help of a lifeguard, grabbed her hands and legs and pushed her down the slide. At the bottom, her hair wasn't even wet. She made it and realized it was okay.

My other daughter, however, thought what I had done was mean. She flipped out at me, asking how could I do that, and hit me a couple times and kept glaring at me. Uh, what? I didn't push her down the slide and she was flipping out where Dakotah didn't say anything about what I had done.

I can't win either way.

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my birthday, shout hooray! No wait, I am a mother; it is just another day in Motherland.

As I get older, my birthday means less and less. I take a minute to remember it as the day I was born and then continue on with my motherly duties. Even though I am now a ghastly 32 years old, I still harbor a deep, long held secret. My birthday usually comes and goes with the usual birthday greetings (which I enjoy) and if I'm lucky even Clay will remember. But every year, on every birthday, I secretly hope that this is the birthday that someone will make really special. Just once a year, I want to feel special. I love and truly enjoy my role as a mother. But just once, I would love to have one birthday that is really all about me. That sounds really selfish, but as I am always thinking about someone else, is it really that bad for me to want to focus on me for just one day? Just one day out of an entire year?

So today on my birthday, I will take my kids to swimming lessons. Then we will go to the library since Dakotah has finished her summer reading and has earned a free book. Then we will come home and do "Mommy school." I will do dishes, sweep the floor, fold the laundry that has been sitting in the living room all weekend, and do more laundry. I will try to remember to vacuum since I haven't done it for two weeks. I will clean the downstairs bathroom and guest room for guests that are coming tonight. If I'm lucky Colby will keep his poop to a minimum. Hopefully the girls won't fight and Colby will be all better from his minor sickness (he threw up on me at swimming lessons last Friday.)

And maybe, if I'm lucky, I might get a few minutes all to myself. But then, without my kids, what would my life and existence be all about?

Happy Birthday Dad!

Here is a special birthday video for you from your granddaughters!




Here is a birthday surprise from Colby!


Love you Dad!

A Couple Other Things

This is what happens when you drop the salsa bottle:

Colby's new chair




My new foray into the world of couponing (which I said I didn't have time to do and didn't want to do but when you can save big bucks, it's pretty enticing. Yes, I have gone over to the dark side! Somewhat.)

I bought all this for $9.50. Amazing!!

A Couple of My Latest Endeavors

Endeavor #1:

Dakotah wanted a dress with long sleeves. When I told her that the stores weren't selling dresses with long sleeves right now she responded with, "You can make me one."

So I did. It was an easy pattern and she looks beautiful. She was very patient with me as I made all those layers.




Endeavor #2:

Clay does not buy himself new clothes. His only suit was from his mission, which was 15 years ago. So for Father's Day we bought him a new suit. He wore it and looked so great in it----except for his shoes which were also from his mission. He wouldn't ever buy new ones because "these are so comfortable." That's because he wore them to death. So I bought him new shoes, put them in the closet in place of his old ones and left them for him to find. When he found them he was not happy with me.

"Where are my old shoes?"

"I threw them away."

"Why did you do that? They had plenty of life in them!"

"Well, they're gone. Try one the new ones. You might like them."

He tried them on, didn't like them, but allowed me to take them back and get different ones. He liked the different ones and now his outfit is completely new!! He looks so handsome.



He puts up with a lot living with me.

Two Years

A Special Little Spirit

"You're a Special Little Spirit," the all-great master said, as He gently caressed the dark hair of the Little Spirit's head. "You need to go to Earth to spend some time, you know, a place I send most Spirits to be tested, to learn and grow."
The Little Spirit, in sadness, slowly bowed his head, and from his eye a tear did steal and down his cheek it shed. "Don't you fret now, little one. I won't let you stay too long. I'll bring you back to help Me here, you'll hardly know that you've been gone. You're my choicest Little Spirit, You're the apple of my eye." And He wiped the tear and gently kissed His Little Spirit good-bye.
"I'm back," the Little Spirit whispered, as he climbed onto his Master's knee, and the Master said, "I told you, you would not be long away from me." And then the Lord, He noticed still another tear welled in his eye. "Why are you so sad, Little Spirit, whatever should make you cry?"
"I'm glad I'm back," the Spirit said, "but Master you must surely know, when your Angel came to get me, I didn't want to go. I know you said you needed me and that I'd be gone the shortest while, but, Lord, couldn't I have had a little longer Earthly trial?"
The Master let the Little Spirit slip down from off His knee. He fimly took the little hand and said, "Come walk with me." The Little Spirit and his Lord walked slowly hand in hand, as the Master explained his special part in the great and marvelous plan.
"Now Lord, i don't mean to argue, I understand that you needed me home. But I left in such a hurry; I left everyone hurting and so alone. I didn't let my earthly parents know how much I loved them so. They feel they've been cheated, and in a way, so do I. Not getting to share any more than we did, how can I ever tell them why?"
"Little Spirit, I know your heart is heavy with this message you need to share. But you need not worry any more; I'll watch over your loved ones there. I'll send them loving comfort as a strong and helping hand. I'll content and give peace to their aching hearts, so they will understand."
The Little Spirit looked up at his Master and said, "Thank you for explaining to me. And could you please tell them I'm safe and happy and that someday they'll be here with me."
"Yes," said the Lord with a smile and a nod, "I'll tell them all that I can." Then the others came to see the Little Spirit as the Lord let go of his hand. He said, "I'll tell them you're pure, pure as Heaven's Gold; that I needed the warmth of your perfect soul to keep Heaven from getting cold."
Author unknown

It's interesting that I can go about my days all well and good, but when it gets close to the anniversary of Austin's birth, all the feelings come back.

Today I feel sad and melancholy and wishful. I looked through his box of items and just let myself wish for a minute.

Today Austin would be two years old. What would he look like? Would his hair stay dark like mine or turn blonde like his sisters and brother's did? Would he have blue eyes? What would be his favorite food? Would he chase Cuddles and squeal at her? Would he like to be outside like Colby does? Would he say "Mama"? Would he run to me and hug me tight? Would he be a daddy's boy like Colby is?

I hurt, I ache, I miss my baby so terribly. Especially today, when he was born, when things didn't turn out like I had planned. Never did I think that I would lose a baby. Never did I think that I would go through the experience that I did. The range of emotions is impossible to explain.

But.

Never have I been so blessed as I have been from this experience. I didn't think I could survive the experience, either. Yet here I am, two years later, and I feel that I am a stronger person. I feel that some things about me have changed that may not have any other way. But I think that I have found myself again. It's been two tough years of confusion, emotion, joy, and sorrow. But I feel like myself again. I am able to laugh again, sing again, enjoy again. I am me with a few upgrades. Of course there is still work for me to do and other ways to continue to improve myself and relationships that suffered when I was being selfish. But I feel like I have come back to life. My eyes are not so dark and heavy.

I love you, Austin. I think about you every single day. You are and always will be my beautiful angel baby. Thank you for helping me and our family to be able to live with you and our Father in Heaven. Please don't give up on us. We are doing our best and anxiously wait for the day when we can all be together again. Happy birthday.