Again

Well, here we are again.  Today is Austin's birthday.  He would be 3 years old.

I thought that because more time had passed that today would be easier than previous years.  But I have a swell of emotions churning inside me.  I feel dizzy, tired, sad, anxious, and I could be sick at any moment.  The most curious emotion is nervousness.

Yesterday was not only the day before Austin's birthday, but the day we found that he had died.  Last night when I went to bed I was remembering that 3 years ago I was in the hospital wondering how I could do this.

Today is not only Austin's birthday, but the day he arrived, without breath.  Today is the day that I held my son for the only time in this life.

So please forgive me for not answering my phone today.  Please understand if I cry.  Most of all, please, please, remember my son.

I'm Done

For the two people that still read my blog, you are probably ready to hear my "surprise announcement".  Here it is:

I am no longer teaching piano lessons.

I really struggled this year to find a balance with my kids and teaching and I never really found one.  I kept feeling like I should and can be doing better to help my kids with homework or just being able to talk to them right after school.  Colby would wake from his nap and be taken downstairs by Savannah and he would not be happy that he couldn't see Mom.

So after much inner discussions (and asking Clay if it was okay) I decided to quit.  Now my kids will have me 100% after school and I'm looking forward to the extra time with them.  I'm excited for school to be over so we can have fun this summer!