Visiting Austin

Sunday we go to the cemetery like we do every Sunday. As we drive down the lane I look for the place where my baby lies. I see his stuffed animals there as we left them. We stop on the side of the road. I get out and start walking toward my baby's grave. As I walk I glance around at the other baby graves. I'm almost to Austin's grave when I see a new marker. I walk over and look down at the little marker. I read the name and see that this baby lived a little while before he died.

My heart immediately goes out to the mother who only last week lost her son. I know how she feels, I know all the pain and sorrow and disbelief that she is feeling. I am full of sadness that someone else has to endure this suffering. I wonder about her. I wonder how she is doing at this moment.

I walk over to my baby's grave. I clean it off and shake the dirt from his animals. And I think. I think about the day I lost my baby. I think about how I felt to hold him in my arms and then to have him taken. I stare at his picture on his headstone and remember looking at him in my arms. I look from Austin's picture to Colby and search for some resemblance between them.

It's time to go. It's too cold to be out any longer. I look back at the new marker and I think that Austin has a new friend by him. We say goodbye to Austin and tell him we'll be back next week. I start to walk away but I pause and look back. I whisper, "I love you" one more time. I start to walk again, but again I pause and look over my shoulder at the place where I have laid my son. Finally, I get in the car. I watch Austin's grave as we drive away until I can't see it anymore. Until next week..........I love you.