Take My Hand Greg OlsonA lot can happen in four months. And yet I feel like I haven't accomplished anything in that time. Life is still hard. I guess some things are easier, but mostly because it's been there and I have to deal with it whether I want to or not. I have had to deal with a lot of hard things. I'm still breathing, so I guess that's something.
It's been four months since Austin died. I can still close my eyes and feel him in my arms. I can feel his soft skin and hair under my fingers. I can feel his fingers as I wrap them around one of mine. I see his perfect face, his perfect body. I remember most of my time that I had with him. I hope I can always close my eyes and see him there.
I prepared so much for his arrival. Now I feel that I
am missing out on so many things. All things you experience with a newborn. I feel left out when I see other new moms.
I am taking to heart what several people have told me. I am going to give myself time. I will take whatever time and go as slow as I need to. If something makes me uncomfortable I will remove myself from the situation. I will not allow certain things to be forced on me. I will take all the time I need. I hope my friends will be patient with me because I do not want to be pushed to be done grieving. I need help, I need love and kind words.
I love the small acts of kindness I have benefited from. My mom has given me the challenge to write down one good thing that has happened every day. A lot of the time it is a kind act that someone has done for me. Some days I struggle to think of something. I like that I will have evidence that good things happened during this time. Thank you for thinking of me.
6 comments:
I love you and I am here for you.
I was thinking of you today remembering that it was just 4 months ago.
I love your mom's idea. What a great way to be able to see the beauty that this life has to offer every single day. But I love that this still allows you to grieve for the loss of your son, while also celebrating the joys in your life each day as you write these things down.
Four months. Wow. That seems so fresh still. I am happy that you are giving yourself time to heal. I do think that with time, this will become easier.
I am thinking of you. Please know that my door is always open. I am happy to just listen.
You are so impressive to me and so wise about your own feelings.
I like the idea of writing down something good each day. I think that's great for anyone to do.
Grieving is personal for everyone, so only you will know what is right for you.
Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
Love and a big {hug} to you from me! Thank you for sharing your journey.
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