Hard Things

Elaine S. Dalton, the General Young Woman President said at the beginning of her talk: "I had a small plate inscribed with a motto that read, “I can do hard things.” That little plate bearing that simple motto gave me courage. But now if I could change that motto, it would read: “In the strength of the Lord, I can do all things.”

That is how I feel today. In the strength of the Lord, I CAN do all things. Yesterday I did two of the hardest things yet. I am still breathing. I have taken another step. Tomorrow may be a little easier. I went to the hospital to see Janna who just had her baby. I almost didn't go, I had a hard time going back there, like to the scene of the crime. But in wonderful Janna fashion she told the nurses to NOT put her in Room 17, the room I was in. They highlighted it on her chart. So I knew I at least wouldn't have to go to the same room.

Janna was in Room 7, which is the same room my Dakotah was born in! That was good, good things had happened to me here, too. That was a good reminder. Cindy went with me, so I had her strength with me. I paused at the door, starting to cry, but I went in and went straight to Janna. We hugged and cried a few minutes. I didn't see the baby until I was ready. Then I looked at her for a while. Then I held her. I stood holding her and just cried and cried. All I could think was that I wanted my baby, it made me miss Austin so much. I also kept thinking that she's breathing, she's moving slightly, I noticed all the little things that my Austin didn't do. It was very sad for me, but I also realized that it didn't kill me to hold another baby. I'm not suddenly cured, I don't think church will be suddenly easy for me, but I have taken another step.

So, there's a song for everything and the one that I kept thinking of last night says something like--

"With God, nothing is impossible.
But you must reach to take his hand.
With God, nothing is impossible.
Those who have ears to hear will understand."

Today the song in my head is one from Rodgers and Hammerstein--


"When you walk through a storm hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of a storm is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind, Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never walk alone."

I am still walking through a storm. But I am NOT alone. Not only do I have my loving Heavenly Father and my family with me, I have you friends who care about me. I know about the benefit dinner for Austin and I was blown away. I am shocked that people care so much for us that you are willing to go to such lengths to help us have closer with Austin's headstone. Thank you for caring so much that you are willing to donate money so my baby can have a headstone. I cannot express how I feel. I am amazed by how many people were in on it! I love you all and appreciate you.