What is going on with us is a lot of anxiety. Dakotah and Savannah keep saying they hope this baby is alive. What if it isn't? What are they going to think of me if I lose another baby? Savannah also asks when Jesus is going to come so we can have Austin. I wish so desperately that I had an answer for her. Dakotah will suddenly get so sad and say she misses Austin and wants him to be alive again. What will happen if we lose this baby, too?
I go from being happy about being pregnant and having another baby to such worry about if we are going to make it. Can we make it 13 more weeks? Will this baby make it? I worry about making baby plans. I was completely ready for Austin. I half think that I shouldn't be prepared this time so things will go better. I washed Austin's clothes the day I found out he was dead. I'm scared to wash the clothes again for fear it will make me lose my baby. I know that sounds crazy and washing clothes doesn't make babies die, but I'm afraid I'll jinx myself if I get prepared.
Austin died during the night and when I get up to use the bathroom I can't go back to sleep until I feel the baby move a few times. I worry that I'll wake up one morning and there won't be movement. So I concentrate a lot on the baby's movement. I try not to be scared or worried, because that sure doesn't help anything. Some days it's so hard.
11 comments:
I think your fears are very understandable. Even if you know its irrational, sometimes you can't help what you feel.
Your girls are so sweet and I'm sure you answer their questions just perfectly. They love you and always will.
I'm so sorry about what you're going through. I was afraid about washing the clothes before my baby came too because I was afraid it would jinx things because of what happened to you. I know it's crazy to think that, but I still couldn't help it.
You have SO many people praying for you, including me. I'm very hopeful that things will go so much better this time. And hope and pray is all we can do.
I love you and I'm still here if you ever want to talk or hang out.
I can imagine a little of the anxiety you are feeling, but not completely of course.
I still keep reminding myself that some things are completely in Heavenly Fathers hands. Even a few days away from delivery that I am, I feel anxiety and concern.
Even though none of us know the outcome of anything, we can pray to have peace of mind and the blessing of comfort for whatever may come our way.
I can only imagine the worry and anxiety you are feeling this time around. It's completely natural to have those feelings. Just like Amy said, hope and pray is all we can do and you've got lots of people praying!
It seems very reasonable to me that you would be having these feelings, but just try not to let them overwhelm you. If you're worried, just give your belly a little nudge and that sweet little guy in there will let you know that everything is all right.
I know that this isn't on the same scale as what you went through losing Austin, but I worry ALL the time about having another child with Spina Bifida. I want another baby so badly, but I am also so fearful of going through it all again. I think, there's no way I could handle having another disable child, but as soon as those thoughts creep their way into my head, I am instantly reminded that I could do it. Because of what I went through with Jake, I am strong. Much stronger than I ever was before he came into our lives. And I know that the Lord would help me through.
You too are strong, Andrea. You have grown so much. You can get through this time of anxiety and worry. Just lean on the Lord and lean on those who care for you. I too am praying that your little babe will be healthy and strong, and I am praying for the day that I will get to meet him!
Your friends gave you good advice. Remember to try to have faith in our Heavenly Father that He will let everything be OK this time. I love you! I wish I was there to give you a big hug.
Love, Mom
So much truth lies in those words!! Take it one day at time, with lots of prayer, and before you now it, you will be there.
Take care!
I can only imagine what it will be like next time. I'm sort of living it through you right now, and it makes me kind of glad I'm not pregnant! (Not very glad, though--I want that too badly).
A late-term loss like ours makes it especially hard. We won't feel safe until that baby is actually alive and in our arms.
Heavenly Father is teaching us to trust Him, no matter what. If I could go back to my pregnancy with Benjamin, I would try to enjoy each day more. I would try to revel in every movement and sing to him and notice the slightest kick.
No matter how much time we get together on earth, it's not enough! That's why we're so gratful to have eternity!
You can do this.
You can do this.
You can do this.
Praying for you.
You are a wonderful mother Andrea. Your Doctor is watching you closely and Heavenly Father is with you.
Pray for comfort and peace
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