Stillborn

Stillborn



I carried you in hope,
the long nine months of my term,
often felt you kick and move
as slowly you grew within me,
wondered what you would look like
when your wet head emerged,
and at that glad moment
I should hear your birth cry,
and I welcoming you
with all you needed of warmth and food;
we had a home waiting for you.



After my strong laborings,
sweat cold on my limbs,
my small cries merging with the summer air
you came. You did not cry.
You did not breathe.
We had not expected this;
It seems your birth had no meaning,
or had you rejected us?



They will say that you did not live,
register you as stillborn.
But you lived for me all that time
in the dark chamber of my womb,
and when I think of you now,
perfect in your little death,
I know that you are born still,
I shall carry you with me forever,
my child, you were always mine,
you are mine now.



by Leonard Clark



I did our taxes this week and while we are getting a nice refund it was an annoying task. Obviously I cannot claim Austin but it bugged me that his name couldn't be on there with his sisters. It bugged me that I was missing out on a child deduction. But what really bothered me is that I can't deduct funeral expenses. There are a myriad of things that are deductible but you can't deduct the cost of burying a child. Irritating!!!!



It's amazing how society can just turn their face from my sorrow. How quickly people forget or want to forget that something horrible happened to my family. We are expected to go on like normal. I am still trying to find a new normal. I have been changed so much but I am expected to act like I used to. Some people get uncomfortable when I talk about my baby but I WILL talk about him! I will not let him be forgotten! He is so much a part of me; if anyone wants to know me, then they will know him and know that he exists. He DOES exist! I do have a son!