Today is a heavy duty day for me; not only is it Mother's Day but it has also been eleven months since we lost Austin. I have a lot of emotions today. Thinking about being a mother means some different things this year. Also being so close to having Colby makes me wonder if I'll be a good enough mother for him.
Colby wasn't born last week like we expected him to. His lungs need more time and I'm willing to give him that. But every day we pass, we get closer to the time that Austin died. My thoughts have been about Austin so much these days. I remember how it was when he was born, how silent he was. I remember holding him, I remember when they took him away. I've been working on his photo book and it brings the memories back so clearly.
I have been pregnant for 74 of the last 85 weeks. This is called insanity. I am fat, I am slow, my body is just plain worn out. I truly am tired of being pregnant. This is more than end of pregnancy tiredness, this is my-body-has-been-pregnant-about-as-long-as-it-can-handle-it's-not-working-right-anymore tiredness.
Only a few days more. Every day we pass gives Colby's lungs more time to be ready. I need him in my arms, and I don't want to have to give him to anybody. I don't need him taken away from me, too.
10 comments:
You are in my prayers Andrea.
Still praying for you.
You are such a wonderful mother to your girls, and I know you will be to Colby too.
whoa, that is a lot of days to be pregnant and it would wear a body plain out.
you can do it! you will give colby these days to get stronger and be ready to hold him in your arms.
my prayers as well
Just a few more days...and sweet little Colby will be in your arms, staring at his mommy's beautiful face and recognizing your voice the moment he hears it. He's been waiting, and it's so close!
I was thinking about you yesterday, imagining that Mother's Day on the 10th had to be a bit of a bittersweet feeling for you. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to talk to you at church.
Oh, when you put it in weeks like that...holy cow, that's a LONG time to be pregnant! I'll come rub your feet! (if that will help!)
We love you guys!
You are doing amazing! This is the first time I've even heard you mention being tired of being pregnant, so kudos to you.
Colby is on his way. Maybe he and Austin are just taking their time saying goodbye. :)
Hang in there! In a few years you'll be able to look back and think that in the grand scheme of things, it really wasn't that long to be pregnant. I've had this conversation with my friend who lost her baby at birth 10 years ago. I look forward to having Colby in our family.
You are a brave woman! I think you've got a lot of people praying for you.
Prayers and hugs. Wish they could be real hugs, but they're definitely real prayers. :)
Hang in there--just a few more days. . . .
Andrea! I know we haven't talked in so long, but I LOVE YOU! I'm praying for you and your family!
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