Six Months

I don't understand the passing of time. The thought of six months since I held my precious baby makes me think different things. It doesn't seem to be that long ago. I can close my eyes and see evey detail of Austin's face, remember how soft his skin felt. I remember the sorrow and anguish I felt when he was born not breathing. I vividly remember how I felt that a piece of my soul was being torn from me when he was taken from my arms. I also vividly remember the feelings of peace and love I felt at both those times. And yet six months feels like a long time. How long it was since I last held him, how long since I looked on his face. I feel like so many things have changed in this time, especially me, but, really, is it only six months? How can time keep passing and I sometimes feel that I am standing still?

Six months since my child was placed in this box. I can't even describe the feeling of seeing my son in a box having a lid placed on top. It was so final. This little casket holds my beautiful baby boy. I pray that it will keep him and protect him.

Austin, I miss you so much. I long to have you with me and our family. I long to see what you would look like now, to see your personality. I know you are in our Heavenly Father's care. I know you have a special mission, and that you are too precious to be in this earth. I am grateful to have my own personal angel helping to guide me home. I pray that I can do what I need to so I will be able to be with you again. Please watch over our family. I love you.