Guess who?

I know you all are gasping at the sight of what my hair looks like but that's not what I want you to focus on. Who is the little girl? Is it Savannah or Dakotah? Even I had to think for a minute to figure it out. Tell me who you think it is and I'll tell you if you are right or not.

P.S. The handsome guy is my brother.

My Precious Sons

I have been greatly blessed to have two beautiful sons. I have an angel in heaven and an angel on earth. It has taken a long time since we lost Austin to feel myself again. To lose a child, especially so close to his due date, has been so difficult. I have had many questions, and have behaved rather odd about some things. I have felt sad for a very long time.

When we were expecting Colby, barely three months after losing Austin, there was worry and fear up to the day I delivered. I know that you cannot have faith when fear is present, but some days I really wondered if I would lose this child too and if I could stand to deal with that again. When Colby was placed in my arms....I can't think of a word that describes how I felt. I felt like it was okay to be happy again. Colby truly has been a balm for my soul; he soothes the hurt that I feel for Austin. I am not able to hold Austin in my arms; therefore I hold all the more tightly to Colby. I am trying to be a good mother to Colby, for him and for Austin. I feel like when I am taking care of Colby I am taking care of Austin.

Sometimes when I hold Colby, I think that I could be holding Austin. It sounds a little crazy, but I can sometimes imagine that maybe it is Austin in my arms. As Colby gets older, I wonder how Austin would have looked. I always wonder. I'm a little more protective of Colby. I need him to be safe.

Austin is always at the foremost of my mind. I think and wonder about him every day. I know that I was given Colby to help me get through the sadness. I think I am happy again. I'm not hiding anymore. I think I have gotten myself put back together. Except for one piece that will always be missing.

I am so blessed to have my beautiful boys. I am blessed to have a child in heaven, waiting for me there. I am blessed to have three children on earth, to hold and love every day.

Time?

Who has time to blog when me and my baby are sick? Too much going on, no time to write about it.

Firsts

A lot of firsts have happened at our home. Colby is growing like crazy in my eyes. He now sleeps in his crib in his own room. The first couple of nights were hard for me but I'm sure he likes having more room. He's been waking up every three hours to eat so I think he's having a growth spurt. He also has rolled over from his tummy to his back and from his back to his tummy. He has survived being dropped by both his sisters. (They are strictly limited on how they hold him now.)

Today is Savannah's first day of 2nd grade and Dakotah's first day of kindergarten. They were very happy. Dakotah kept saying,"I just can't stop being happy about kindergarten!" Savannah was a little nervous but then she saw some friends and seemed to be fine.



Dakotah is barely five and already had a loose tooth! I say "had" because she insisted that I pull it out today after kindergarten. She's too little to have a hole in her mouth!




This is Dakotah's cake from her birthday a couple weeks ago. Heather made it beautifully! I had a hard time having to cut into it.

This picture is too cute. Savannah is reading a book to Colby and he looked at the pictures with her. They sure love their brother!

Did I read that right??

I received in the mail yesterday a questionnaire so I opened it to look at it. This is what it says word for word (I promise it says this!):


"Today I have some questions about the usage of paper towels in your household. We realize that this is a lengthy questionnaire, but your answers are extremely important to us. (Quick glance through; it is a 22 page questionnare on paper towels!) If you feel like you are getting tired or need a break it is probably a good idea to stop for a while, take a break, and come back to the questionnaire when you've had a chance to rest."

Really? That's good advice whenever filling out a questionnaire. They must be serious about their paper towels! I read it to Clay and started laughing so hard I could barely read it. I haven't laughed that hard for a loooooonnngg time. It felt good.

I better get started filling this thing out! I don't know how many breaks I'll need!

Whew!

Last week I received a summons in the mail for jury duty. Although I think it would be an interesting experience, it's just not the right time for me to serve in this capacity. So I asked for an exemption due to the fact that I'm a nursing mother of a three month old. So since then I have been worrying about it, if they would think I have a good excuse, would they realize that my baby needs me, would they care about my situation or make me serve anyway?

Today I received a letter saying that my request has been granted. Whew! Huge sigh of relief.

Here's some more pictures of our trip.

Dakotah and my sister Natalie. Dakotah wanted to be in all the pictures.

Savannah started crying after the wedding because she thought that now that my sister was married she wouldn't see her anymore. It took a lot of talking to convince her otherwise.

Me and my sis

Dakotah kept batting her eyes at her cousin; he finally asked her to dance.

And for those of you with a sense of humor;

Here's my brother, Blake.

Our Vacation--fun, fun!!

Here is all you ever wanted to know about our vacation. We went to California for a family reunion and had a great time. We stayed at Ventura for a week in a hotel. I think the best thing for me was having someone else clean my room every day.

What's more fun than playing in the sand?

And in the freezing cold water?

Clay tried to boogie board and after many attempts he finally succeeded. Unfortunately I didn't get any of his better successes on camera.

One night we went to a Dodgers baseball game. It's much more fun being there in person. We had a lot of fun. By the ninth inning, though, we were getting tired. The score was tied 3-3 and I was just hoping someone would score a run so the game wouldn't go into extra innings. Bottom of the ninth, two outs, two strikes, the hitter hit the ball into the outfield and it flew between two outfielders. YAY!! The Dodgers scored and won the game!! (I learned a lot by sitting next to my brother who is a serious Dodgers fan. It was also fun to tease him about his favorite player that struck out all night.)

Savannah and Clay

Colby with my Uncle Jim

Dakotah had the most fun. She loved the crazy music they would play. Watch her rock out!

The view from our seats.

DISNEYLAND!!!! Was so much fun!! The kids had the best time ever. We let them decide what rides they wanted to do. Dakotah could go on all but one ride so we rode on a lot of rides. Dakotah loved Space Mountain; Savannah, not so much. My mom gets motion sickness really easily so she took care of Colby while I enjoyed the rides, too. We are already planning our next trip back.

What Colby did for most of Disneyland.

Colby got to go on two rides!! He rode Pirates of the Caribbean and It's a Small World (which by the end of that ride you feel ready to scream with craziness from hearing that song played over and over).

Dakotah was fasinated by this water ball.

It's Wendy from Peter Pan! The girls thought it was so funny when she called them Pixies.

We went to the beach again.

During this beach trip I was so tired from all the late nights and early mornings. Colby fell asleep when we got there so I stayed in the car with him and we napped for two and a half hours.

After California we drove up to Idaho where we're from and Colby was blessed there.

The kids and I stayed in Idaho while Clay drove my mom's car home to go back to work. When he got home he discovered that our air conditioner had broken while we were gone and it was 92 degrees in the house. (He got it fixed before we came home.)

My mom drove my van to her work one day and had an altercation with a light pole. Now the bumper of my van looks like this:

The Grossnickles came for Colby's blessing and stayed the week with us. We went to the Idaho Falls zoo.

My favorite thing at the zoo were the little ducklings!

Dakotah bravely sat on my uncle's horse.

Savannah getting to know my sister's soon to be husband.

All the kids love my brother Josh (and his phone).

My sister Natalie got married. Isn't she so beautiful?

Dakotah took a liking to the groom.

The day we drove home was Savannah's birthday.

The day after we got home we had a party for Savannah's birthday. It was a slightly chaotic day, but I think I pulled it off well.

My baby is now three months old. WHAT?? you say? I know, I can't believe it myself.

We had so much fun and did so many things and had a great time with family, but the last thing I have to say is, "There's no place like home!"