Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Why?
Why did this have to happen to me?? Why am I supposed to go through every day with sorrow and pain? Will it never go away? I have learned so much from this trial, but I still wonder why I have to do this. What did I do to kill my baby? Did I lie on my back too long? Was it the medicine I'm taking? What happened? There are so many people who love me and are concerned for me, but I feel so alone. I am walking through every day completely alone. Why doesn't anybody understand? Why is so much expected of me? Why am I expected to do everything so well? I try to put on a good fake face because the last thing people want to know when they ask how I am is how I am. People are uncomfortable with the hard facts of my life. I hurt so much inside. Why do I still have so many challenges? Can't something come that's easy? Will I ever have peace???
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17 comments:
Obviously, I don't have any answers for you. All I can say is that I love you and am here for you. If my encouragement takes the form of expecting too much then please tell me. My goal is to lift you up, help you realize just how strong and amazing and wonderful you are. I never want to push you too far, expect too much or keep you from sharing your true feelings. I may not know what to say, but I can certainly listen. So, take a chance on me and let's see if we can do better at communicating. Know that God loves you and you will find peace, real and lasting peace, through Him.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. My heart aches for you. Your post reminded me of a scripture
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths". Proverbs 3:5-6
I know it is easy to say and obviously I have not been in your spot. But you need to remember to trust Heavenly Father. You may be scared, or angry, or sad. But He needs you to trust Him and believe in Him. I pray for you, Austin, and your family. I pray for you to feel at peace and that you may be comforted. You are such an amazing woman, I am just in awe at how strong you are. You are such a wonderful example to so many women.
I am always on BabyCenterCommunity. There is a group on there with a lot of ladies going through the same thing.
http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a113525/full_term_infant_loss
I hope you find some comfort soon, please please please let me know if there is anything I can do.
I don't know what else to say except that I am sorry and I wish there was more that I could do to help ease your pain. Our prayers are always with you.
cindy said my what I am thinking. I wish I could help you more, I wish you didn't feel so alone. I love you!!
Andrea,
I am so sorry that you have such pain in your life, you've done nothing to deserve it. Your Heavenly Father loves you and wants you to be with him and your precious Austin someday. I will be here for you any way I can. Please know that when I ask you how your are I want and expect the truth.
Love
Vanessa
Waking up with the same pain over and over is so hard. But as others have said, your heavenly father knows your pain and what you are going through. I am so sorry for all that you are feeling, I think about you and your family and you are in my prayers. no one can know what you are going through, but talking or writing about your pain will help. Keep going, keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that we love you.
My heart aches with and for yours, Andrea. On the days I feel like it will take all I can give just to get myself upright, I repeat this scripture until it is burned in my heart and mind.
D&C 58:3-5
Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.
For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is high at hand.
Remember this, which I tell you, that you may lay it to heart, and receive that which is to follow.
Keep talking, I'll listen, even if it isn't always pretty.
Melissa
I love you and I am so sorry that you are hurting so badly.
One step at a time...
I'm sure I'm the last person who could help you right now so I'll continue to offer my prayers.
You are strong. You are loved. Your Heavenly Father knows your pain. Continue to trust in Him and He will continue to strengthen you.
Ouch. I can't tell you how many days I have been screaming your words in my mind.
I had never known before how deeply angry I could feel. It scared me to be angry at Heavenly Father.
Just know that it is normal for a grieving parent to feel that way.
You did NOT do anything to kill your precious Austin. You know you would have done ANYTHING to save him!
It is also normal to wonder how things would have been different if only you had known. . . I still wonder that. It is so hard!
You will have better days, I promise! Hope today was one of them!
Love and {hugs} from someone who unfortunately does understand,
Michelle
You are not alone! Each day gets a little better....even if you can't see those small "Betters". You are doing everything the right way. You are surrounding yourself with love, you are doing uplifting things, you are taking goooooood care of your children.
You can never know why Austin died. One day you will know. As for now, you can look forward for the day of seeing him again. Austin is cheering for you! He wants you to succeed on this earth!
I am sure that some days are better than others, but rely on Heavenly Father and your loved ones!
I love you! You are a wonderful person! You have taught my bratty kid how to play the piano! Now, that is an accomplishment!
First and foremost, I want you to know that you are NOT alone. There are so many who are willing to share this burden with you. I am one of those people. You don't have to go through this heartache alone.
That being said, after reading your post, I was reminded of an article in the October issue of the Ensign entitled, "Have ye inquired of the Lord?" I love the quote on the side. It says, "The advice of family and friends is helpful, but we can turn to an even better source." We are here to help you, love you and serve you. But I truly believe that you will only find the answers and the peace that you need through communicating with our Father in Heaven. Pour out your heart to him. He is there. He loves you, and wants to heal your pain.
I know that you will have peace again Andrea. It will take time. Please know that I am here. Good days or bad, I am here.
I love you very much Andrea. I really do. Feel free to talk to me anytime. I love you. I may not be able to relate fully. But I do love you, and am here for you. I never want you to say you're okay when your not. I was thinking of you on my way to work today. I'll write to you later...
Peace comes with time. Of course you hurt and wonder what you could have done, I know that's completely normal to have those feelings. You are a daughter of Heavenly Father and he loves you beyond measure. He will comfort and heal your heart. The memories will remain, but the hurt will go away. I gained the most strength from my other children.
I'm so sorry that you are feeling like this. Just know that you are not alone. There are so many people that love you and want to support you. You and your family are in our prayers.
Andrea, I am sorry you are hurting so badly. I wish I could take it away. Because you hurt, I hurt. I want you to know that I love you very much even though I don't always express it like I should. But I do KNOW that our Heavenly Father has a plan, it is hard for us to understand, but He is in control and loves you. This life is a test and if we didn't have challenges what kind of a test would it be. Continue to have faith in Him and He will help you through this trial in your life. I know that He will be there for you as you seek him in prayer. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!!!!!!
Dad
Andrea,
I love you! I am so sorry that you hurt inside. And I dont' want you to feel alone. I wish I could drive up there right now and hug you. You will have peace Andrea. I promise you that. Heavenly Father is watching you. So is Austin. You aren't alone.
I am sitting here crying as I write this. I miss you. I love you. Call me soon.
Meichelle
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